Date: 2008-08-04 23:05 Subject: The Third Byte.... Security: Public Location: In my crypt Mood: geeky Music: The Starvation Waltz Tags: 3rd amendment quartering internet

Can anyone tell me off the top of their head (without Googling it) what the 3rd Amendment says?

We all know about the 1st amendment, because anytime anyone tells anyone else to shut the hell up, the anyone else responds by claiming that his Freedom of Speech has been violated. We all know about the 2nd Amendment, even though, since some, illiterate, loser of a, congressional scribe, placed two too many commas, into what should have, been a simple, easy-to-, understand and, impossible, to misinterpret sentence, debate rages on to this day about what it really, means. (That the government isn't allowed to disarm you.)

We all know about the 4th amendment (due process of law), the 5th Amendment (I refuse to answer on the grounds that doing so may incriminate me), and others, but no press has ever been given to the 3rd Amendment, nor has it been the subject of editorials or a major motion picture (at least, not in a way you'd recognize). The 3rd Amendment of the Constitution of the United States of America's Bill of Rights has vanished into limbo.

The 3rd Amendment forbids the federal government to quarter soldiers in the homes of private citizens. It was a direct response to a practice of the oppressive absentee British government in the times immediately prior to the Revolutionary War, to quarter British soldiers in the homes of citizens rather than keep them encamped centrally. The crown and parliament were afraid that, if centrally located, soldiers might have been attacked in their sleep. (Because, of course, no one in the Service of the King ever stood guard on nighttime watches. And if you believe that one, I have some beachfront property I'd like to sell you in the Mojave Desert....)

The real result of quartering was that no one could discuss private business or express the slightest frustration with taxes or other government policies, even in the privacy of their own homes, without facing the possibility of being overheard by ears in the employ of the king and being subsequently charged, tried, and executed for sedition. After the Revolution was successful, the framers of the Constitution devoted an Amendment to making it illegal for our own government to adopt this destructive practice.

But how often does that happen today? When was the last time you heard of the Government of the United States stationing agents in the homes of private citizens? When have they had to? Aside from certain world wars, in which practically every mother's son was a soldier anyway, when has an arm of the Federal Government ever tried to make it necessary for every private citizen to entertain a houseguest who would keep track of everything said and done by every member of the household and then snitch to a superior?

It would seem that the 3rd Amendment is only untransgressed because of its obsolescence. But is it really obsolete? And is it really untransgressed?

"No soldier shall, in time of peace be quartered in any house, without the consent of the owner, nor in time of war, but in a manner to be prescribed by law." (Again with the unneccesary commas. But I digress.)

Meaning, no one is required to put Big Brother up in their home, but they may consent to do so at their own choice. In order for them to choose this, it must be advantageous for them to do so. There must be some benefit of unquestionable value which renders the presence of a government eye and ear in the private affairs of Joe Citizen something he would actually desire. But what could provide such an inducement?

A self-correcting typewriter? Effortless tax preparation? Near-instantaneous communication and sharing of information unfettered by distance or prohibitive billing fees? Hard-to-find merchandise and rare collectibles at insanely-low prices? Hot and cold running pornography, prostitution, and perversion? Massively muliplayer online roleplaying games? These are apparently more than inducement enough. We have reached a point where art, science, business, socializing, recreation, creativity, crime, and any other human endeavor requires a link to the Internet if it is going to thrive.

In this day and age, can you get along without the Internet? I know I can't. The people I work for can't. Almost everyone I know has a cell phone, a pager, a PDA of some kind, or all of the above. You, whoever you are, wouldn't even be reading this essay if it weren't for the Internet.

Where did the Internet come from? It was originally a project of the United States military, to provide a method of long-range communication which could not be completely disrupted by mundane events such as storms, sunspots, or nuclear explosions. But they uncharacteristically did much too good a job. There was so much extra capacity going wasted, that the decision was made to allow others to tap into it. Public utilities, law enforcement, universities, hospitals. It wasn't long before the Internet was the center of modern life. Yours. Mine. Everyone's. We have allowed an agent of the military, of the federal government, to take up residence, not just in our homes, but in our whole lives.

Big Brother is now in your home and your workplace, reading your mail, checking your spending against your income and savings, tracking your movements, arranging your social life, enhancing your career opportunities. He is there because we invited Him in, and now there is no getting rid of Him. At one time we could have protested on the basis of Unconstitutionality in the form of a violation of the "No Quartering" Amendment. But we weren't required by law to invite Him in. We wanted Him here. We opened the door, carried in His baggage, and surrendered the master bedroom to Him without so much as a rude word.

Big Brother says:  "Never invite a computer network into your home, dear boy. It renders you powerless. Now bare your neck and close your eyes. In three nights you will rise from the dead to eternally seek the Memory of the Living....!"